The script of issues 1 - 11

Eddie Fiola’s
Gary Pollak’s

Fact or Freestyle

The Zines

presented by

The TerraDome

Sports Science Research CentreEddie Fiola’s

Fact or Freestyle

Issue #1

The (curious) case of The Naked Gumby

presented by

The TerraDome

Sports Science Research Centre

PAGE 1

(AUTOGRAPH PAGE)

Page 2

SPONSOR MESSAGE

PAGE 3

Narrator:

During a whirlwind of serendipity one day during COVID-19, Ron had time to talk to Dave on Zoom.

PAGE 4

Narrator: 

In the course of questioning the origin story of the first Gumby, Ron revealed the almost-origin story of the first Naked Gumby.

PAGE 5

Narrator:

It is important to note that Dave so closely protects this trick that he altered the spelling to avoid being sued for the $43,000,000 it’s worth. Thus was born The Gumbee.

PAGE 6

Narrator:

At Woodward Old School Reunion in 2021, Ron (while encouraged by many others) spoke to Dave about the merits of doing a Naked Gumby. Dave was hesitant.

PAGE 7

Narrator:

Dave recruited Ron to be the keynote speaker at Dave’s first formal Life-Coaching seminar - Summit 43.

The seminar captured untold fortunes for Dave.

PAGE 8

Narrator:

Ron spoke of the importance of saying The Truth and not shying away from your hesitancies and fears.

Dave was deaf to this message as it relates to The Naked Gumby.

PAGE 9

Narrator:

Dave’s following attempt at untold fortune was to produce a real life Blues Brothers spin-off titled “Back For More In ’24.”

Dave asked Ron and Brian to relearn air-over-540.

Dave committed to do The Gumby (the reggo version).

PAGE 10

Narrator:

Dave’s life-coach, Joe, observed an imbalance.

This imbalance threatened the fate of the Blues Brothers spin-off story.

Every story requires the characters to grow.

PAGE 11

Narrator:

Dave’s life-coach, Joe, and Joe’s antics hero, Raybo, held an intervention for Dave. Joe and Raybo confronted Dave for being an egomaniac.

Todd joined to support Dave with his excellent calm voice of reason.

PAGE 12

Narrator:

For Dave’s penance, Joe proclaimed that Dave must do a Naked Gumby, have Dave’s life-partner take a silhouette photo of it (against a sunset or sunrise), then darken it to hide Dave’s private parts.

That graphic would be Dave’s next Flatland Assassins signature shirt.

Dave resisted.

PAGE 13

Narrator:

Being an exceptional life-coach, Joe pressured Dave to see things from Ron’s perspective. 

Ron is stoked on the energy of a crowd-funded tour. Ron’s being asked to do air-over-540.

Dave won’t let his bottom be seen by his life-partner from a distance.

The sacrifice is asymmetrical.

PAGE 14

Narrator:

Joe remembered a story of how Brian would teach kids to roll-in to a quarter pipe during clinics. He’d push them.

This inspired Dave’s life-coach, Joe.

PAGE 15

Narrator:

Working in secret, Joe, Raybo, and Todd conspired with a graphic designer to create a cartoon of The Naked Gumby for Ron.

When they turned the cartoon into a silhouette, it was indistinguishable from a real photo. You can see Dave’s toes!!

PAGE 16

Narrator:

Joe, now a Plywood Hood, bought a sponsored table for Kevin Jones’ induction into The BMX Hall of Fame.

Joe collected signatures on The Naked Gumby shirt for Ron (who was in Maldives at the time of the event).

PAGE 17

Narrator:

The Hoods drove out to visit Mat on Sunday. Mat also signed The Naked Gumby shirt for Ron.

PAGE 18

Narrator:

Joe has always been inspired by Ron and has been trying to figure out how he could get Ron Stoked.

PAGE 19

Narrator:

Joe is The Creative Director of

The TerraDome

Sports Science Research Centre

“The Science Of The Feeling Of Belief”

PAGE 20

Narrator:

The TerraDome is where dreams do come true.

Ron’s dream of a Naked Gumby has come more true as of now.

May The Stoke be with you.

Page 21

(Sponsor Message)

Page 22

Narrator:

Visit http://backForMoreIn24.com for more information

Page 23

Flatland Assassins

“Killin’ The Game by first killing your ego”

Eddie Fiola’s

Fact or Freestyle

Issue #3

The First Rehearsal

presented by

The TerraDome

Sports Science Research Centre

Page 1

(Autograph Page)

Page 2

Sponsor Message

This story inspired events to become true.

Page 3

Narrator:

Dave hadn’t raised the $1.5M he needs to go on The New World Tour.

But he had an idea to do an oppo-tour. Bring people to his secret compound to hang out with him, Ron, Brian, and Kevin for a weekend.

PAGE 4

Narrator:

Dave worked with sponsors to construct what Ray calls “The PotatoDome” (because Dave used to grow his magical purple potatoes inside). It’s got an asphalt floor, a wedge ramp, and a 6-foot quarter pipe. (Fun fact: DMC calls it a pipe jump).

PAGE 5

Narrator:

Dave explained his plan to Joe, Ray, Todd, and Anthony while they were shooting the show. Todd noticed the FB post “Weekend At Nourie’s.” This set the boys ablaze with excitement.

PAGE 6

Narrator:

Joe launched the plan on The Interwebs within hours. Dave, upon seeing the launch announcement graphic, said he should check with Ron, Brian, and Kevin first.

Joe told Dave that was wishful thinking. There was no turning back now.

PAGE 7

Narrator:

The experience happens in 3 parts (per Ron’s formula):

1. The Pick-Up.
2. The Hang-Out, in a simulated parking lot. With ramps. And dinner. And a night sky with a million stars.
3. The Drop-Off.

PAGE 8

Narrator:

It’s all rehearsal for The World Tour. And the crew of showmen need a crew of zany people like those they’ll meet on the road. And the zany people shoot footie and make their own content.

PAGE 9

Narrator:

It’s smaller than Swampfest. But there are more of them per year.

Dave makes a different show plan each time. You get to hang-out with the guys, watch the shows, then talk about the shows over dinner.

Everyone makes videos of the show rehearsal.

PAGE 10

Narrator:

They’re trying to find out what show ideas appeal to people these days.

The show crew all have sponsors that want to be integrated into the videos you make.

PAGE 11

Narrator:

If you like making content on The Interwebs, and you like BMX and the long history of it, AND if you want to hear that history from 4 guys who made it - this is for you.

PAGE 12

Narrator:

And that was the pitch. Hundreds of people spent a Weekend At Nourie’s. Thousands of pieces of content flooded The Interwebs. People who weren’t there re-edited the footie into their own stories. Then one particular storyline caught the attention of one particular rich person

PAGE 13

Narrator:

That’s how the 4 guys ended up on this charter plane.

Doing this show on this island.

Those 4 guys had so much fun doing shows together, live-streaming them, for a very small group of people in-person. And they all hung-out after.

PAGE 14

Narrator:

And every stop gave Ron another idea about the locations he’s scouting for his book release party…

Visit http://backForMoreIn24.com for more information.

PAGE 15

Flatland Assassins.

“Killin’ The Game by first killing your ego”

Gary Pollak’s

Fact or Freestyle

Issue #4

The Great Circus

In Space

presented by

The TerraDome

Sports Science Research Centre

Page 1

(Autograph Page)

Page 2

Sponsor Message

This story inspired events to become true.

Page 3

Narrator: 

Dave quit the show because Joe and Ray would not get off his case about The Naked Gumby and his progress in planning Back For More In ’24.

Page 4

Narrator:

Dave hired My Agent Vinny. Dave paid Vinny with traffic generated by tour interest. This helped Vinny sell a gas station full of vintage bikes.

Joe, Ray, Todd, Chad, and Stoney found this to be a remarkable bargain.

Page 5

Narrator:

Rumors began circulating of a donors class action lawsuit.

Joe noticed Dave had gotten himself into a pinch.

Page 6

Narrator:

As is his habit when hazard is near, Joe consulted the one entity that could solve a problem of this magnitude - FrogBarz.

Page 7

FrogBarz:

The Potent Stoke has a half-life

along two dimensions: Novelty and History.

Retelling stories from long ago invokes depleted Stoke within those who first experienced it.

The Most-Potent Stoke occurs in The Upper Right.

Page 8

Narrator:

Ron and Brian have done a lot. They’ve never seen The Naked Gumby - the one entity that could invoke enough Stoke to create The Show Of Their Life.

Page 9

Narrator:

The Mission is clear. 

The Mechanics are sound. The Potential is Great.

But how can Joe light this Stoke Bomb?

Page 10

Narrator:

Dave continued his new podcast tour on Banter BMX. The host asked the guys to tell the story of their favorite tour memory. Ron spoke The Truth without hesitation.

Page 11

Ron:

“The time Dave did a Naked Gumby. It was in Germany on live TV.”

Brian:

“I gave him my Nissan pick-up,”

Narrator:

added Brian.

Page 12

Narrator:

Although Dave asserted he didn’t do a Naked Gumby on live German TV, the chemistry of the conversation revealed to Joe the one way out of Dave’s imminent lawsuit.

Page 13

Narrator:

One NBD show.

Circus tent. Dave’s alone inside, mic’d up. Dave gets into a Naked Gumby, then tells Ron and Brian to peak through the door flaps.

Page 14

Narrator:

Ron and Brian launch into hyperStoke. Webcams record their reaction for The World. The live audience witnesses The Stoke.

Dave gets dressed, hands the mic to Kevin. The 4 do The Show Of Their Life.

Visit http://backForMoreIn24.com for more information

Page 15

Flatland Assassins

“Devote yourself to do what’s never been done”

Gary Pollak’s

Fact or Freestyle

Issue #5

The Donors’ Revolt

presented by

The TerraDome

Sports Science Research Centre

Page 1

(Autograph Page)

Page 2

Sponsor Message

This story inspired real events to lead to good outcomes.

Page 3

Raybo:

“This is all Joe’s fault!” 

Narrator:

Raybo, Joe’s antics advisor, was perfectly clear.

Dave took inspiration from Joe’s outcomes, but ignored the torturous methods by which Joe conditions himself to produce those outcomes.

Page 4

Narrator:

As a result of over-promising and under-committing, Dave finds himself in a pinch. 

One way out is through the one trick Dave most-strongly hesitates performing. 

Nobody on Earth could have predicted this chaotic chain of events.

Page 5

Narrator:

There is, however, one entity - not bound by such parameters - that can offer one way out. 

There’s just one catch: It’s a choice that only one person can make.

Page 6

Narrator:

It’s a grueling choice for the unprepared. For the unprepared, the decision is already clear. There’s just one catch: Such a clear decision is comfortable, yet ironically, leads to misery and slow uncontrollable torment.

Page 7

Narrator:

Everyone loves money so much that they hate when money is taken from them with nothing given in return.

No one enjoys feeling hoodwinked, taken-in, duped, overcharged, victimized.

Page 8

Narrator:

Our current period in history is a character in this story. In 2023, historically high money supply resulted in historically high inflation. The irony of abundant new money is that all existing money becomes less money. 

Frustration among The People is palpable. 

The antagonist is a phantom.

Page 9

Narrator:

Dave disengaged from his life-coach, Joe. Joe once revealed to Dave, “when a phantom is operating, everyone is under investigation.” Turns out, Dave is under investigation as the cause of the missing money.

Page 10

Narrator:

Dave took GoFundMe money from The People in exchange for a World Tour. Today, the tour website redirects to a gas station full of vintage bikes. Some of those bikes have the worst brake setups you will ever see next to a $4,000 price tag.

Page 11

Narrator:

Dave’s BMX life-coaching doesn’t appear polished. 

Dave doesn’t appear to be creating a team show. 

Dave does appear to be directing attention away from the tour and the donors’ money.

Page 12

Narrator:

Dave needs money and a pick-up right now. 

Months earlier, Dave ignored life-coaching from Joe: the 3-part strategy for making money while building the skills to deliver Back For More In ’24.

Page 13

Narrator:

Every month, Joe reminds Dave of one way to get $5,000 and a Nissan pick-up right now. 

The Way is to do The Naked Gumby.

Page 14

Narrator:

…with one twist. Live TV cameras will be fixed on Ron and Brian, broadcasting beyond East Germany. 

At this time in history (2023), nudity is ABD. True NBD is people’s genuine reactions.

This Genuine Quality is a substance of exquisite value.

Page 15

FrogBarz:

The Genuine Quality is The New Gold. 

It cannot be mechanically replicated. 

It does not originate from a money-printing machine. 

It must be mined with one’s own labor, shrewd insight, and a bit of luck - which favors The Faithful.

Page 16

FrogBarz:

The pick-pocket may gather cash, but that does not represent Genuine Quality. If sneaky-snatched, it represents null emotion. If detected, it represents negative emotion. Neither of which represent The Stoke.

Page 17

Narrator:

The Donors’ Revolt is the signal that The Sneaky Pick-Pocket is no longer operating in the shadows. 

The only way to repay the donors’ debt is with Genuine Quality Stoke.

Visit http://backForMoreIn24.com for more information

Page 18

Narrator:

One sure-fire way to deliver The Genuine Quality Stoke to the Hearts of The Heroes (e.g., Ron and Brian) is to perform a trick we call The Naked Gumby at the opening of The Great Circus In Space.

Page 19

Flatland Assassins

“One way to pay for the life of your dreams.”

Eddie Fiola’s
Gary Pollak’s

Fact or Freestyle

The Dream Keepers

presented by

The TerraDome

Sports Science Research Centre

Page 1

Autograph Page

Page 2

Sponsor Message

Tell McGoo this is The Grander Design.

This travelogue is your blueprint for a life worth repeating.

Page 3

Narrator:

At first, they appeared to be protesting.

No one had ever protested The National BMX Hall of Fame at that point in history.

What they lit weren’t Molotov cocktails, but rather sage bundles.

Why would six demonstrators and two videographers go to such lengths to converge on this part of Tulsa? Were they lost?

Page 4

Narrator:

Or, in their own words, were they Found?

They used sigils. That meant they were serious.

They were dressed in unmatched collared shirts.

They had what sounded like their own language.

One guy did all the talking.

A press crew arrived, having been tipped-off.

The scene occurred two hours before opening time. The group appeared to be forming a line.

Page 5

Narrator:

They came to witness a divine emblem of hope. A divine emblem of alien grace.

By all accounts and designs and expectations of the time, no power player had predicted the rise of perhaps the greatest, most-memorable exemplar of all time. The 9th greatest Freestyler of 1990, Raymond Joseph Schlepwig [sic], Jr. AKA, Raybo. AKA Large Ray.

Page 6

Narrator:

And yet, despite their careful cultivation of the industry, the mortal foremen of “free” style BMX - with their uniforms, installed judges, factory-designed professional class performers - despite all of that, one authentic True Hero emerged. The Miracle.

He manifested, like a flame. He wasn’t really “from” anywhere. The conditions were right and he came into being.

Page 7

Narrator:

GOrk just shook his head. In his desk drawer were three sealed letters, dated October 28, 2022.

As he prepared to unseal the first letter, he looked directly into Shannon Gillette’s eyes and said, 

GOrk:

“When you sold a sponsored table to The Flatland Assassins, they believed they bought antics rights in perpetuity.”

Narrator:

As Shannon took the letter into his hands and unfolded it, a tear rolled down his face.

Page 8

GOrk”

“They all believe this is much bigger than BMX. They intend to ensure everyone on Earth realizes this is much bigger than BMX. You’re reading this now and can see the evidence at our front door right now.”

Shannon:

“It’s true? All of it?”

GOrk:

“It’s true. All of it.”

Page 9

Shannon:

“Are you about to tell me the second letter is about The Stoke and FrogBarz and ShrimpRocks?”

GOrk:

“You know The ShrimpRocks were here the entire weekend in that backpack, right?”

Shannon:

(With a navel-gaze, seeing his fate) “This is just the beginning…”

GOrk:

“This, my friend, is just the beginning of The Latest Chapter. But this is not where it all started.”

Page 10

Narrator:

That was the first time it happened.

Roughly every month - 43 days actually - another six Pilgrims (as they’re called) show up. Two photographers. One journalist.

The sage. The signs. The zines.

All the same. Every 43 days. 

Some guy in Ohio sells tickets.

Page 11

Narrator:

Each time, the same routine. Acting out The Origin Story. The first Devotee begins.

West Palm Beach, Florida. 1987. A woman named SusieQ, in a dominating tone, remarked, “I’m going to keep my eye on you.”

Seven hours later a security guard, wanting to make an example of him, roughed-up young Raybo.

His was a choice against tyranny. His was a choice for Freedom and Consequence.

Page 12

Narrator:

The second Devotee in line tells the story of the next week. The travel home after The Incident. The holders of The Secret. The spreading of The Legend.

The hidden origin story lay cloaked behind the sensational fate of The Microwave.

Page 13

Narrator:

The third Devotee tells the story of one fateful contest - AFA finals in The Velodrome. Sulking in the bleachers, segregated away from the contestants, Ray was given another forced choice - to compete in The Show.

A life-coach by the name McGoo enrolled Ray in beginner class - which gave him full access to the staging area.

That was the revelation of The All-Seeing Eyeball Helmet.

Page 14

Narrator:

The fourth Devotee tells the earlier Origin Story of Ray’s pursuit of Freedom. In the form of Liberty. With his best friend - the smallest kid in class. Sharing a 7-Up on a field trip.

The fifth Devotee is a Numerologist, who begins The Calculations by hand.

Fifth Devotee:

“Fuck it, Let Freedom Ring.”

Page 15

Narrator:

The sixth Devotee rings a replica bell once, then reads the results of The Calculation: 

Sixth Devotee:

“Constructive Freedom. Variety. Change. Action. Restlessness. Life Experience. Pioneering. Innovation. Adventure. Rebellion. Opportunity.”

Narrator:

The rest of the Devotees join in, six times. In reverse order, from the sixth Devotee to the first.

Page 16

Narrator:

Four fingers spread the blinds from The Executive Director’s tower office. 

It’s an all-too-familiar scene. The reenactment of The First Pilgrimage.

A new crop of Amish dudes assemble at the front door, two hours before opening time. Every 43 days, like clockwork. 

They do their ritual, the doors open, and they calmly proceed to The All-Seeing Eyeball Helmet. They marvel.

Once considered by many in The Establishment to be the least likely artifact to be enshrined turned out to be one in 43 billion - An Ideal Spirit.

Page 17

Narrator:

The Helmet Steward, GOrk, tells stories to each crop of Pilgrims.

All the stories of all the Pilgrims who made The Journey to pay homage.

All the antics of all The Devotees of The Way of The Stoke.

One story stands out as a crowd favorite. The story of MTV’s TJ Lavin issuing the first encoded beacon to The Devotees during his induction speech on October 29, 2022.

TJ Lavin:

“Shout-out… to Fact or Freestyle. I love you guys.” 

Narrator:

Raybo’s story show.

Page 18

Narrator:

Come ye, Devotees, to bask in the manifest destiny of The All-Seeing Eyeball Helmet and believe that your dreams can be your reality. 

Imagine that!

Page 19

Flatland Assassins

“One way to pay for the life of your dreams.”

Eddie Fiola’s
Gary Pollak’s

Fact or Freestyle

Issue #9

Back for More

presented by

The TerraDome

Sports Science Research Centre

Page 1 

Autograph Page

Page 2

Sponsor Message

Tell McGoo this is The Grander Design.

The pattern keeps clicking…

Page 3

Eddie:

“You’re fired, Andy Kaufman!”

Narrator:

Joe received the encoded secret message from the show’s lead investor on set while the cameras were rolling on the biopic.

Page 4

It’s everything you’d expect from Hollywood reimagining The BMX Illuminati.

Working title: “Rad 2: Electric Boogaloo: BTS AF, LOL m”

For it to make sense, we need to take a brief detour.

Page 5

Fact or Freestyle began in 2016, when Joe and Dave met in Chad’s shop for the resurrection of the AFA.

Dave gave Joe a nickname and over-scolded him during a Gumby tutorial on live-stream.

Page 6

Their antics escalated. Dave once spun Joe’s bars mid-combo in one of Joe’s contest runs.

On a Facebook Live session, Dave did a Miami Wedge on a wheel barrow which was on a picnic table which was on cement blocks.

Page 7

In mid 2020, Dave had a Dream. He called Joe during Joe’s session.

Dave:

“We should do a web show from GumbeeLand.”

Joe:

“What’ll we talk about?”

Dave:

“I heard Joe Johnson had ants in his pants when he invented the vert tail whip.”

Joe:

“I heard Jose Yanez is planning a web redemption. Along the way he comes to terms with his vendetta. Then he finds salvation.” 

Dave:

“Can we start with the ants?”

Page 8

Narrator:

Working in stealth mode for 6 months, the unlikely duo called-in favors, skewed their recollection of rumors, and invited legendary guests to correct the record. 

In a twist of fate, Joe discovered that Bob Haro is an over-gripper.

In late 2021, Dave had a Dream. He’d teach people how to live happy lives and get paid for it. Dave pitched the idea to Joe. Joe had a moment of clarity.

Joe:

“If I over-grip Bob Haro, then I can do anything.”

Page 9

Narrator:

Dave spent a weekend at The TerraDome Sports Science Research Centre. On Sunday, Dave issued Joe a choice: the 2022 show format will be life-coaching or GTFO.

To keep pace with 9-time BMX Hall of Fame Nominee Dave Nourie, Joe would have to go beyond his limits.

Joe decided to structure a religion based on The Stoke. He would create a highly accessible, easy-to-follow guide for living a life of unlimited happiness.

Page 10

On the 43rd day of 2022, Dave and Joe co-executive produced “Summit 43.” Ron delivered a keynote on his world view.

Joe immediately put Ron’s life-coaching into practice. One week later, Joe attended his surprise Coronation ceremony as a member of The Plywood Hoods. Later that evening, Joe was visited by FrogBarz and given a mission in a Dream.

Page 11

Raybo had joined the cast, much to Joe’s delight and much to Dave’s trepidation. 

Dave is accustomed to talking Ron out of trouble. Joe and Ray are accustomed to speaking the truth and laughing.

Joe and Ray laugh about The Naked Gumby.

Page 12

At Woodward West in 2022, Dave announced the Back For More in ’24 tour. Dave asked Ray, Joe, and Mark Eaton to co-executive produce it.

Joe believed that to run the tour, Dave must grow. In Joe’s view, the quickest way to grow would be to conquer the biggest fear of his life: performing a Naked Gumby.

Joe believed it would be helpful to life-coach Dave via the parable of The Naked Gumby - in zine form - and to distribute the zines via AFA prize packs.

Page 13

The thought of The Naked Gumby sent Dave into panic. Joe wrote zines to chart Dave’s course through panic into glory.

As Dave’s resistance grew, Joe realized that he too must chart a course to do the hardest thing in his life: once more land the no-handed jump from front wheel to rear wheel 7 years after he first landed it at age 43.

Joe named the project “New Bruises: a life-changing story”

Page 14

FrogBarz:

The path to your goal is not easy, comfortable, or familiar. Everything you labeled as friend or foe will be unlabeled. You must rebuild your mind anew.

Narrator:

Dave refused the call many times, quitting The Show. Joe reordered his priorities many times, not editing The Show. 

The two remained in a state of quantum entanglement. Both sought salvation via surviving the trial of doing the hardest thing in their lives. 

So went the mantra:

Life-Change or GTFO.

Page 15

On September 28, 2023 while imagining himself autographing zines and reminding people to believe, Joe landed the no-hand jump. It felt like a dream.

On April 6, 2024, Dave announced tour dates.

Page 16

FrogBarz is an alien entity that comes to Earth to find fitting humans and forge them into proper vessels for The Stoke. FrogBarz visits you in your dreams, then improbably affects circumstances in your waking life. The mechanism that makes this work is belief.

Believing is not always easy. It requires intentional small steps. You imagine, attempt, refine, and repeat. One day it clicks and you learn The Trick. This works on and off the bike. Your bike is your training tool.

Now, Joe and Dave explain the process. They are both missioned by FrogBarz to propagate The Stoke. The number is 43.

Page 17

This true story is the reason Eddie Fiola paid Joe to own the revenue rights to The Show.

Eddie works in show business, an industry based on illusion-making. The illusions are story-telling tools. But not all illusions are real. The dinosaurs in Jurassic Park are not real, but they serve as characters to advance a story that is real. 

Eddie’s biopic contains paid actors. Although their testimonies are true, they exist within three walls.

To tell the magical true story of Eddie Fiola, Eddie must co-executive produce an exemplary moment from Beyond The Fifth Wall: The Never Ending Stoke.

Page 18

Eddie’s mission is to commune with FrogBarz so as to imagine a way 

to translate his story of BMX 

to a mass audience. 

At his disposal is the entire apparatus of Hollywood storytellers.

At stake is the success of Eddie’s biopic. Arguably, Eddie’s biopic is the hardest thing Eddie has ever done in his life.

Page 19

Sponsor Message

Coffee is a generational business. It’s also a cartel. The premium crop is served to The Coffee Illuminati. The next tier is served to brands owned by the members. The bottom tiers are sold to private label.

Large Ray’s Slow Roast Coffee is tailored to your exquisite taste. Our innovative supply chain guarantees the world’s best-loved coffee in your cup daily. You purchase your favorite coffee - or purchase our curated selection. Then you apply the sticker. And Bob’s your uncle.

“Experience Quality on YOUR Terms”

Large Ray’s Slow Roast Coffee Sticker Company, LLC.

“We’re a schticker company”

https://LargeRaysSlowRoastCoffee.com/

Page 20

It takes much to enter The BMX Hall of Fame. It’s more than riding. It’s contributing, it’s evangelizing BMX, and it’s leaving an indelible mark.

Dave Nourie endured personal ordeals that would have sent anyone else to a trade school and a steady job, relegating BMX to a nice memory from the ’80’s. But BMX spoke to Dave and Dave listened faithfully. 

You have many choices of ways to improve people’s lives. But there are a few particular ways to improve people’s lives with BMX. 

Dave mastered the language of BMX to improve the lives of people who hear its song.

Page 21

That was Joe’s pitch to GOrk and Shannon Gillette. 

The pitch accompanied office-sized servings of Large Ray’s Slow Roast Coffee, several full sets of Fact or Freestyle zines, and a letter clarifying it was neither a bribe nor an immoral influence operation.

Rather, it was a full-context testimonial of several key events that Joe observed after GOrk shared his explanation of 43.

Page 22

White Rabbit by Jefferson Airplane plays

Page 23

It plays in your head. You play it in your world.

Page 24

You read the lyrics. You observe The Matrix owns it.

Page 25

Page 26

Page 27

Sponsor Message

Empowering Flatland Riders Worldwide: At Flatland Assassins, we ride the line between style and performance. Founded in 2022 by professional flatland rider Chris Young, we emerged from the need for authentic, rider-driven clothing in the US flatland BMX scene. Today, we’ve grown into an international brand, but our mission remains the same: to support and rekindle the North American flatland BMX scene. Our commitment goes beyond clothing; it extends to our Battleground Flatland BMX competition, where we unite the community and fuel the passion that drives us all. As part of our dedication to the sport, we proudly sponsor talented riders and other flatland events, ensuring that the flames of creativity and innovation continue to burn bright.

Page 28

Page 29

Page 30 

Then every rider realized the final page was for them to write the start of their next chapter on the remainder of the page.

Page 31

Flatland Assassins

“One way to pay for the life of your dreams.”

Eddie Fiola’s
Gary Pollak’s

Fact or Freestyle

Issue #10

The Keepsake Safe Salesmen

presented by

The TerraDome

Sports Science Research Centre

Page 1

(Autograph Page)

Release Date: August 2-3, 2024 from The Church Of Stoke

Page 2

Sponsor Message

This story (which chose you 🫵) takes place 

one day after Joe received a message from Reverend Ike…

Page 3

Joe:

“Do you take mug donations? Our friend had a TV show. It’s hosted by the second stunt double now. We’ve got mugs from the first episode. They’re fun. Your diners will absolutely love them!”

Narrator:

That was Joe’s first opening line.

Page 4

Every diner between King of Prussia and Queens serves coffee in these mugs.

The story changed each spot.

Joe’s story coach, Raybo, usually won: 

Raybo: 

“Stoney’s filming a mockumentary of me helping my friend recover from his mental illness. He misses the 1980’s - he could have been pro back then.”

Page 5

Narrator:

Joe’s sales coach, Ron L., throws Joe a bone: 

Ron L. 

“We’re memory salesmen. We pitch magic coffee cans. But they only work when people believe. Can you even believe how hard it is for people to believe in magic coffee cans after that scene in Pulp Fiction with the watch?”

Page 6

Narrator:

Stoney’s brain explodes every time. Raybo and Joe crank-up the truth just to watch Stoney’s face snap into hyper-stoke.

Stoney’s making a short film as his audition for VP of Creative Direction with Billy Corgan.

Page 7

Stoney rehearses his line in silence: 

Stoney:

“Billy might remember Joe. Or, Billy might remember the business plan for The Interwebs that walked off from back stage. At that time in 1993, Joe was working on something similar with a grad student friend of his. But Joe didn’t know how to code back then. Or story tell. Or make money. All Joe knew was ShrimpRocks.”

Page 8

Pitch man: “Large Ray’s Slow Roast Coffee Can Company, LLC began as a device-maker for The New Dream World.”

Narrator:

Raybo looks at the server and says, 

Raybo:

“You can see how much work I have on my hands.”

Page 9

Narrator:

Joe begins The Soliloquy: 

Joe:

“Take this can. Thank me. Take the charm you wear - or the one you stopped wearing - put it in your can. Put your can by your bed side. Treat your charm in your can like a baby. Speak to it. Keep it safe, healthy, and happy. Dream about what it needs.”

Page 10

Joe:

“Then your dreams come true. Check out this video of me doing the no-handed jump. I was 50 in this clip.” 

Narrator: 

Joe plays the clip

Joe:

“This guy did the same thing with a helmet he painted. Ray - tell her you were 9th for rider of the year in 1990. Where’s your helmet?”

Page 11

Narrator:

The Inspector’s pen clicks to take notes>

The Inspector:

Joe planned to cite the show’s success as a reason for investors to believe in his concept store. It sells dreams; the pick axes of The Dream-Industrial Complex. The Safes keep dreams protected from theft and harm. 

“The Keepsake Safe” was the best name he could come up with by the time he left home in The Van. 

It’s a simple plan: anyone who buys Large Ray’s Slow Roast Coffee more times than he has dreams to keep safe can sell his spare can to someone with a dream, but no can-do.

Page 12

Narrator:

Back in The Van, The Crew evaluates The Rehearsal

Joe:

“They can.”

Raybo:

“What?”

Joe:

“That’s the line. It’s a ‘CAN’ like ‘can-do’.”

Raybo:

“Whoever gives you money for this is a very special person.”

Joe:

“If we’re good salesmen, she’ll feel - she’ll KNOW - she’ll BELIEVE she’s a very special person.”

Raybo:

“What are you talking about?”

Page 13

FrogBarz: 

“Remember what it felt like when Raybo rang The Liberty Bell, what it felt like when Raybo did a flawless run at the AFA Masters, what it felt like to watch Gary’s parents get upset that Raybo beat Gary in the 1990 Freestyler of The Year awards. Remember the feeling.”

Joe:

“Can we bottle that feeling in a can?”

Raybo:

“Can you BOTTLE a FEELING in a CAN?”

Joe:

“Yes. That’s the ticket!”

Page 14

Narrator:

Dozens of hand-written zines flutter around the inside of The (now-speeding) Van like leaves from trees in a breeze.

Joe:

“We could just map out the process end-to-end.”

Raybo:

“Joe! No one believes plans.”

Page 15

Narrator:

The Crew shakes violently as The Van lands

Joe:

“What if they experienced it?”

Raybo:

“Joe! People believe when they believe it’s time for them to believe. It’s not on you or anyone else. All you can do is be there when it’s time.”

Page 16

Narrator:

The New Pitch: 

Pitchman: 

“Put a token in it. Like a $5 bill from 1995. Read the zines, scroll the memes, study the captions. When you wake up the next morning, you’ll have gone back in time.”

Raybo:

"Joe got stuck. Which is why he’s a pro flatlander who’s 51. We’re here like the leader of the Sleestaks from Land Of The Lost to help him get back home.”

Pitchman:

“The cans cost $20 in change. And they work just as you imagine - guaranteed. Or your change back.”

Page 17

Narrator:

Driving up the exit berm to avoid traffic

Pitchman:

“It’s like Schrödinger’s Cat, but oppo. You put the relic in your can. The relic goes back in time to give your past self a Dream. From there, you pursue The Dream for 35 years. When you wake up, you live your Dream. It works overnight - the jump from step 1 to step 4 is the time you’re asleep.”

Page 18

Narrator:

The Van e-break slides into a perfect parallel park

Waitress:

“Y’all got business cards? We do a raffle each week. Next week’s a big one - Donnie Wahlberg Chevrolet’s giving away a van.”

Stoney:

“Donnie - as in Mark’s brother?”
 

Waitress:

“No relation. Donnie had his dealership first, though. Can you believe he got a cease & desist letter from that actor?”

Stoney, Joe, Raybo, Ron L (in unison):

“Yes. We can.”

Page 19

Narrator:

On the talk show circuit

Talk Show Host:

“So, with this stunt you guys sold Dream Cars with certificates of how you won them and that funded your road trips to BMX events?”

Joe:

“Stoney bought a wrestling company. He makes ads for the vans.”

Stoney:

“Joe makes messages in bottles, hides them, and waits to meet the special person seeking them.”

Page 20

Narrator:

On the FISE livestream

Claude explains, 

Claude: 

“Joe publishes zines to shout-out incredible riders. Most people don’t get why they made bike videos BITD before anyone could compete for free energy pills from private label brands.”

The Inspector: 

This zine is the only place you can read the true motivation behind the memes. They’re fine art to glorify The Highest Principles of The Way of The Stoke.

Page 21

Narrator:

Welcome to 

The Church

Of

Stoke

Page 22

Visit https://www.terradome.org

“The Science of 

The Feeling of 

Belief”

🌟NOW IN A CAN!🌟

Page 23

Flatland Assassins

“Find The Way

To Pay

For The Life of

Your Dreams.”

Eddie Fiola’s
Gary Pollak’s

Fact or Freestyle

Issue #11

The Triple Stunt Double
Franchise Playbook

presented by

The TerraDome

Sports Science Research Centre

PAGE 1 

Autograph Page

Page 2

Sponsor Message

Page 3

As a means of hedging operational disruptions, franchisee shall hire a stunt double for each stunt double for each celebrity attraction.

Section 43.H

Page 4

Narrator:

Dave’s prospects had rapidly expanded by the morning of July 28th, 2024. Dave’s vision-development advisor, Joe, spent the morning reviewing business proposals from a fresh class of entrepreneurs.

Page 5

(Entrepreneur’s proposal)

Page 6

Narrator:

The

Dave Nourie Rode to Success

Home Study Course

Your Ticket to BMX Mastery!

Page 7

Joe:

“This is about people helping people. And the more people you help, the more people they can help. You’re casting seeds from a great tree of Stoke.”

Narrator:

Joe rehearsed his introduction of the idea for Dave’s mastermind group’s monthly live meeting.

Page 8

Joe:

“The Dave Nourie Telepresence Robot requires only an iPad, an Internet connection, and a Roomba with a sturdy spine of any kind. You can use our Zoom account.”

Page 9

Dave’s Mastermind Coach 1:

“Exactly like that. But more approachable.”

Dave’s Mastermind Coach 2:

“Perfect. Just tone it down a notch.”

Dave’s Mastermind Coach 3:

“I love it! I’d buy it. Don’t change a thing. Just ground it a little more in reality.”

Page 10

Narrator:

backstage

Joe:

“Dave, can you hand me the feedback guidance talking points workbook?”

Narrator:
Joe inspects

Joe:

“I noticed you guys left off the second slice of compliment bread.”

Page 11

Dave:

“No, Joe. They didn’t leave it off. They sent us firm orders. Next, we just need to make it.”

Joe:

“Next, we just need to make it? We haven’t made it yet. We have 30 orders for a franchise operating manual that we haven’t made?”

Dave:

“Yes. But you of all people know how this could work out with the right amount of effort and total faith.”

Joe:

<sighs> “This is pay-back…”

Dave:

“My break dance name is 2-Paid. Haha!”

Page 12

Joe:

“You read the Bible, Ringo? I mean Dave? There’s this passage I’m memorizing. Romans 8: 24-25. 

Joe:

“We were saved in hope. If someone did a trick we hope to invent, that isn’t hope. Who hopes for ABD? But if we hope for NBD, we wait for it with patience. 

Joe:

“I believe that means if we want to prove hope, we need a franchise package that is unlike any franchise package ever created.”

Page 13

Dave:

“But accessible! It NEEDS to be accessible.”

Joe:

“OK. If you read 8:35” 

Dave:

“OK. If you finish the riding video part of New Bruises: a life-changing story.”

Joe:

“Check mate.”

Page 14

Narrator:

Joe immediately told The Coffee Illuminati that Joe’s friends sent Joe to get life-coaching so Joe could sponsor those friends to get to BMX events. Joe’s friends have worked for MTV, Disney, and The Smashing Pumpkins.

Joe began his pitch rehearsal, 

Joe:

“Hi. I’m friends with Scotty, Mark, Dave, and all the guys. Three of them (and 5 others they told) told me that they told you about Large Ray’s Slow Roast Coffee. They also tell me that only 8 people think it’s funny and/or entertaining. Do you think it’s funny and/or entertaining?”

Page 15

Narrator:

The Coffee Illuminati life-coach found one flaw that kept The Pitch from being funny and entertaining. But there was one catch. He needed Joe to do one thing.

That’s the story Joe told himself. 

All this zine story writing antics was the way Ron W told Joe to create his plan for his future. So Joe did. Imagine taking advice from your childhood hero!

Page 16

Dave:

“Why is Joe so weird these days?”

Mark:

“Why is Ron so weird?”

Dave and Mark (in unison)

“Oh no! You don’t … what are the chances that … Ron … made … Joe … weird … in Summit 43?!?!”

Narrator:

Why would Joe write the story of The Eyeball Helmet and call it The Ark of The Covenant of The Stoke … after he took life-coaching from Ron W.?

Page 17

Joe:

“I’m not an unusual person at my core. I’m from rural Ohio. I like to play in creeks. But along the way, someone taught me a lesson. Then I bought a creek.

Joe:

“I’m here today to teach you how to buy your own creek - metaphorically.

Joe:

“I’ll bet you this $4,300 note. I’ll issue you a debt. You’ll owe me $4,300 for this franchise operator’s manual. You pay off your debt with interest when you reach your dream.”

Page 18

Narrator:

Joe sent everyone in the room an agreement with the most-curious terms they’d ever read.

Joe took his pile of receivables back to The Coffee Illuminati life-coach. What follows is the operating manual.

Page 19

Your Inventory Investment Options:

As a franchisee, you know your markets best. Pick from a wide range of exquisite merchandise. Tell us if you have an amazing idea for a customized merchandise product line. Our designers await.

Zines

• Sample set: $25
• 10 pack black & white: $43
• 10 pack full color: $143

Magic Cans

• Sample: $20 in change shipped
• 10 pack - some assembly required $200

Coffee

• Sample - some assembly required: $14
• 10 pack - some assembly required: $140 
• 10+ pack - business credentials required

Large Ray Telepresence Robot

• by appointment only: $quoted
• Pronunciation home study course: $15

Page 20

Outfit your presence at events:

Look professional with our “phygital” booth experience. You know your markets best, we have you covered. Tell us if you have an amazing idea for a customized physical+digital presence. Our designers await.

Dave Nourie Telepresence Robot - $943

• (Some assembly required)
• Roomba Y0110
• iPad mini
• iPad holder
• Stand
• Duct tape
• Assembly method home study course

Banner - $63.43

• Select from your favorite Fine Art

Tent Set-up - $943

• Select colors and logos

T-Shirts - Negotiable

• Your choice of logo, quality, & line sheet

Business Cards - $34.43

• 100 with logo and your title & contact

Page 21

You understood the assignment:

“You can’t lose with the stuff I use.” That’s the line from Reverend Ike. We use a slightly different set of terms that come from the mouths of Stoke practitioners who changed The World. This exam ensures you know your stuff. You’re touching people’s lives here - so you gotta be on-point.

Dealer

Essay Exam Preparation $543

• Book of Canon
• Bibliography
• The Manuscript
• 4 Zoom Q&A sessions
• 4 rounds of editorial feedback
• Council review

Historical Relics $ as quoted

• (Available upon request by Exam Acers)
• Cost varies per relic
• Protective can / case and construction by Poorboy Steev quoted per relic will include consultation and creative consent

Approval by Raybo (priceless)

Page 22

Dave:

“What’s this part?”

Joe:

“I spent Independence Day at a rooftop restaurant that auditions and tests the entire staff. This is how high-class operations operate.”

Dave:

“Can we ground it more in reality?”

Joe:

“Tell me about the moment you met Bob Haro and tell me the difference between your life before and after that moment.”

Page 23

Joe:

“Don’t worry. I’ve invited Bob to the editorial review council for this franchise operations manual.”

Dave:

“Why are you bringing Bob into this nonsense?”

Joe:

“1: It’s not nonsense.

B: The Big Guy, Roger Flamming, transferred The Power to him in a special way.

3: It’ll entertain him. And he can tell me in 5 words what I need to change.

Joe:

Also, we’re paying him.”

Page 24

Joe:

“This is about People helping People.

We express gratitude with money.

We earn the money by putting the help into practice.

Joe:

The value of the help is a portion of the value the help amplifies.

The exam is a test of one’s innate motivation to genuinely help.

Joe:

That’s The Ticket to The Franchise.”

Narrator:

audience roars

Page 25

Joe:

“Please enjoy our curated merchandise display at the rear of the auditorium. Refreshments and samples are available. The app and website are now activated for wholesale orders to qualified dealers. 

Joe:

“Everyone else can easily order samples for home delivery. You can pick up your sample orders from our booth if you’d like to enjoy them from your hotel room this evening. 

Joe:

“And remember - it only works when you’re believing.”

Page 26

Narrator:

Throughout time

The ones who saw through

The illusion of fear, pain, & despair

Have written in no uncertain terms

That faith and prayer change things.

They have also life-coached the

Prayer to imagine the single highest

(The Most-High) unifying principle.

For our purposes today, you may call that

The Way of The Stoke.

It works when you believe.

Page 27

Flatland Assassins

“From Belief

Comes The Stoke

To make The Trick

Come to Life.”